Hey, since discovering the MBTI and reading 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. I feel less like an alien. I came across the MBTI a year or so ago. It has been such a relief. I have and am different. Small things affect me. I care when others walk past. It is such a relief to know that the burden is not mine alone. However I must say I am yet to meet another INFJ in my life?! Looking forward to that day.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me!!
I’m sure the day will come when you meet another INFJ, but are you sure you haven’t had a conversation to one in the past? Remember that we are very good at blending in!
I think tumblr has left a lot of us emotionally stunted. This is a great community for empowerment, catharsis, or coping, but those things aren’t recovery in and of themselves. Comparatively, they’re easy when compared to the painful self-reflection and real-world scenarios you’ll have to encounter on the road to true recovery. Not only does Tumblr not focus enough on recovery, but there’s almost a disdain here for the very notion.
There’s a lot of time spent validating everything. “Your symptoms are valid! Your responses are valid! Your depression is valid! Your coping is valid!” Well, yeah, all that stuff is definitely valid, and understanding that is important step in recovery, but it’s certainly not the final step. All that stuff is valid in the same way a baby chewing on a teething ring is valid, and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about if your recovery is still in its infancy, but Tumblr almost encourages you to stay there, to never grow out of it.
There’s a difference between what’s valid and what’s healthy, what’s best for you. I recently saw a post that validated people who stay in their room all day. Is that a valid response to anxiety? Sure. Is it a healthy response? Hell no, and there isn’t a person on Earth who can convincingly make the argument that the best thing you can do for your anxiety is to never leave your room.
Or how about those “how to care for a _________” posts? They’ve got some great tips there, and a lot of what they say is true, but you cannot reasonably expect people to coddle your issues, insecurities, or self-perceived inadequacies. Your recovery has to come from you. It has to be a difficult decision you make with yourself and carry through with because you need it. Your recovery can’t come from hoping other people will validate you.
No one should be ashamed of where they are in their recovery process, but there’s also no reason why you should be in the same place with your issues as you were in 2010.
Your final goal is not validation. It isn’t empowerment. It isn’t finding a way to get through the day. It isn’t being comfortable with your problems, nor is it accepting that they’ll never go away. The final goal is health. The final goal is happiness. The final goal is contentment. The final goal is recovery.
How do you deal with intense feelings of regret? It seems that INFJs are drawn to this feelings. Sometimes I can be plagued by regret for the smallest, usually insignificant, things, for weeks to even months at a time.
If you find yourself regretting something, remind yourself that the other person doesn’t care as much as you do! INFJ’s tend to feel as if everyone is watching them (or I just feel like that). Remember that everyone has their own lifes to tend to!!
Clearing your mind can also help rid you of these feelings. I always count to three and take a deep breath to rid me of negative feelings! You can try this one, or make your own!!
The important thing to remember is to not let these feelings of regret consume your time. Live your life as if you never made that small little mistakes.
.Hi, fellow INFJ :) I have recently discovered the MBTI and well, I finally felt ... understood in a way. I'm not alone, I'm not weird, I'm just different. So, How did you feel when you discovered the MBTI?
I kind of felt the same way you did, Anon! Except I was way more relieved then you seem to be. All my life up until the point I found MBTI, I knew I was different, but I just thought I was crazy, and that something was wrong with me. But, after finding out I was an INFJ, I was so happy that there were others out there like me.
That reason is part of why I started this blog!! <3
“INFJs often feel frustrated when the world doesn’t see them for their true inner nature. Others can appreciate the INFJ’s warmth and people-skills, but it is Ni, not Fe, that is the core of the INFJ’s identity. Moreover, when INFJs do venture to share their Ni insights or subversive ideas, they often feel that others really don’t understand them.”—Dr. A. J. Drenth (via m00ki3)
Have you ever had people close to you tell you that you were crazy, or tried to get you to believe that you were crazy? Well, my adopted mother often did this to me when I was a teenager making me feel like things about myself were weird, wrong, or indicative of a mental disorder in turn making me constantly question the validity of my feelings & thoughts, & even my sanity. Turns out I'm not crazy (just another complicated INFJ & a human being), any advice on how to heal and deal w/ this better?
Can I suggest some thearapy?
Going to a therapist can really help you deal with this past and help you move foward in your life. And seeing a therapist does not make you wierd or crazy, sometimes people just need to talk to somebody professional and have them help you deal with some things.
But I do want to tell you that you’re NOT crazy, you’re perfectly sane and you’re adoptive mother just didn’t understand you.
Some how I have ended up with all of my friends being teenaged extroverts, a bit crazy, I know! The problem is when we are out in a busy cafe with loud live music, and they meet other friends who I dont know and have little in common with them) and become hyper, get involved in long conversations leaving awkwardly sitting there watching their conversation, as their awareness of me seems to fade away... what do I do/how do I cope with this? There's only so much polite laughing along one can do...
Well, what I usually do in this situation is try to get to know those people better! But if you’re not comfortable with doing that, try asking your friends to help you feel more comfortable! Explain to them how you feel and try to work with them to make you feel better.
You can totallay ask your friends to make sure to include you in the conversation. It’s easier to get along with someone when you’re forced to talk to them!
I hope this helps!!:)
(Also, it seems like my askbox is broken again, so im really sorry if you sent this a while ago!)
There's this ENTP I've known since kindergarten. ENTP and INFJs are a 'perfect match' but true to his type he isn't very emotional and I cant tell if he really likes me. He makes it a point to talk to me after class (we sit on opposite sides of the rooms), asks for hugs/ handshakes, compliments me, runs up to me/ yells my name in the hall/ lockers, and other things. He seems to genuinely enjoy talking to me and laughs and smiles around me a lot. I feel very natural with him. But idk, help?
If by ‘really likes me,’ you mean as a friend, then you’re thinking to far into it, he definitely likes you as a friend, if not then he wouldn’t be doing all of those things. ENTP’s are know to cut ties when someone or something becomes more of a hassle than a help.
But, if you mean romantically, I would first ask him to hang out (as friends) outside of class. Then see where it goes from there, and base your future actions on how you feel.
My new job entails me driving a car for eight to twelve hours and I'm finding it's actually way too much thinking time for me. I need to find a way to exercise my extroverted functions, but I never see people during that time. I just thought I'd see if you had any suggestions. Thanks.
I actually just went through something like this! My family and I just drove two days to get to Florida! I’d normally put on some music and just daydream, but I found myself stuck in my head for a little too long, and thing just got bad!
But this time, I downloaded a bunch of podcasts!!! Hearing people talking to each other without your input can help you with those extroverted functions while you focus on driving!
I personally was listening to the Roosterteeth podcast, partly because it was free to download on Itunes and I do enjoy listening to them. But there are many different types of podcasts out there, so just find whichs ones are right for you.
Another suggestion is to listen to audio books, but I know that after a good book all I want to do is think about the ending and the characters. If you don’t get like that Anon, then go for audio books too!
I am so creatively frustrated. I am really creative but haven't found my outlet as yet?! Have no idea what I should do with my life
I would just try as many things as possible!! Try writing a story or poem, try painting a picture, or maybe you could mix some music! The only way to find out what you want to do for the rest of your life is to try everything and find the thing you like the most!
I’m so sorry this is late, i was out of town for a couple days! I hope this helps!:)
Hi, I'm an INFJ and whenever I'm with someone who I'm interested in I can become very annoying, talkative, and slightly rude.I hear the voice in my head saying "don't say that" but I do anyway... How can I prevent myself from doing this?
I would just slow down and think about what you’re saying! And remember to breathe! I always tell that to my talkative friends when they just keep talking.
Try to let the other person tell you their opinion for a little bit. But be careful! If you don’t agree with them, don’t shut them out. leave them room to argue with you.
(Just a small tip, when you talk to people you don’t know very well, stay away from controversial topics! Ask them what they think about the songs played on the radio, it’ll start a good healthy discussion!)
Hello! I'm 18 and have M.E. (CFS) and depression, is this normal for an INFJ? I feel so drained all the time yet try to do so much for my friends and aquaintances, at the expense of my health, and I get so so angry at them (when they dont understand it) and my health, which just makes me worse!
Hello! Depression is a normal thing in teenage INFJs! If you feel that you need to, go see a therapist and get some professional help! (If you have not already)
Your CFS is probably from helping your friends so much along side your depression. I don’t feel CFS is common with INFJs but I could be wrong!
I think you should take a week for yourself, and rest up. Shut off your phone and just be with close family members for a little bit! After, you should feel really refreshed! That should help a little bit with your CFS.
I'm an INFJ in a relationship (with an INFJ/P) and I don't want to leave but I don't know if I should stay. I love them, but don't know if they're 'the one' I should marry. Does this understanding and certainty come with time? Or should I be certain reasonably quickly? It's just i usually instinctively know what I should do, i don't regarding the future of this relationship and we've been together for around a 14 months...
Hello! It’ s been a long time since I had a question on this blog!
If you don’t feel like this person isn’t ‘the one’ then I would leave the relationship when you’re ready to. If you’re having fun with this person, and are very happy, then I don’t see why you can’t stay around for a while
I would break up with them if you feel like they’re going to propose soon, so you don’t end up in a sticky situation! But otherwise, I don’t see why you should break it off just yet!
Do INFJ males gravitate to women that are not well suited for them? I have several male infj friends who try to "save" the woman they date? Is this normal?
This is also normal for all genders! It’s just natural for INFJs to try to fix the world and the people around us! But this often leaves us in heartache, so I would watch over your friends and make sure they don’t get into too much trouble!
I'm really thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life (career wise.) Whenever I think about staying in that one career or life or whatever I get really anxious and start to freak out. Is that normal for an INFJ? Complete anxiety about "settling down?"
This is normal for anybody! The future can be a very scary thing! My advice is to pick something that you like doing, and stick to it! That way, you’ll be really happy as you get older! And when the time comes, you’ll be ready to settle down and grow older.
How do you figure out someone's personality type without doing a test?!
This is a very hard thing to do, but I suppose you could start by studying the Myers-Briggs types! There’s a lot more to it than that, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find you’re way through the information!
Being an INFJ and breaking up with people it always seems to me that I just completely stop all romantic feelings towards the person once I believe it'll not work in the long run. Would that be generally the case for INFJ's? Also how'd you approach the breakup? cheers.
I personally never felt that way about my romantic partners. I’ve always looked back at found memories of them, and I will always feel a little attracted to each of them, because I had in the past.
But when I feel the need to break up with somebody, I usually just find the time to talk it out with them. I feel like prolonging a relationship you stopped having interest in would just make everyone involved feel worse. Find the right time to tell them that you feel like you two shouldn’t be a couple anymore. And don’t fight with them, it only makes things so much worse.
I have read on multiple INFJ facts and statistics sites that INFJs are more commonly apt to have marital or long-term relationship dissatisfaction. From your experiences and from what you know, why do you think this is the case? (You can edit this question to sound or look better if you wish, but keep the question and derivative the same)
I think this is because INFJs are meant to be free spirits. One of the main cause of depression in INFJs are being tied down in bad relationships that don’t allow the freedom we crave.
Now I’m not saying don’t get married and live a single life. I think that you have to find the right person! Someone who will let you live your own life, and someone who will live their own life.
This person will also have to be someone who will always come back to you at the end of a long day as well. And someone who you will want to see as well!
Marriage for INFJs can work really well, we just have to find the perfect person!
do you ever get into deep internal debates with yourself when you meet someone who dosnt meet your value system, but you're okay with them anyways, but then you feel like youre cheating yourself and your values?
I have met people like that, but they have just slipped out of my life. I still don’t know if it was for better or for worse.
My advice for when you meet people that make you feel that way is to not tell them too much about yourself, and definitely do not go to them for advice. Your values and emotion health will take a hit if you do.
Question about INFJs and the whole, 'all or nothing' principle? I'm an INFJ and I feel like when someone isn't giving me their all, It's not good enough for me? I'd prefer they give me 100% or nothing at all. People around me can't seem to understand that theory and I'm wondering if it's typical of an INFJ or just me? It always applies to friendships, relationships, and conversations and things like that for me.
INFJs often think about other people constantly, whether it be a crush, a friend, or a family member. And our ‘all or nothing’ principle is just us wanting people to return the favor. In most extreme cases, we want that person to think about us all the time too. But, as with yourself, you just want them to listen to you as closely as you listen to them.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with wanting that.
I was in a relationship with an ESFP for a while, and it can work quite well. Some potential pitfalls to watch for include: The ESFP tends to need social affirmation and attention to feel good, which can exhaust the INFJ. The ESFP does not understand INFJ's need for space. INFJs are unable to be as outgoing as ESFP would like. The ESFP can sometimes seem to blow off the INFJ's problems and make them feel insignificant. If these are not issues, it can be very rewarding for both.
Thank you for sending this in! I don’t personally know any ESFPs, so that question was a little tough to answer!
do you know anything about INFJ/ESFP relationships? i have a feeling im always attracted to ESFPs and a couple of my best friends who i get along with more than anyone are ESFPs, but we're supposed to get along better with ENFPs? just wondering!
An INFJ and ESFP could work really well together! An ESFP’s primary function is Se, which happens to also be our inferior function (or our fourth and weakest one)
Being with an ESFP could help you become stronger in that section of your personality. And in turn, you can also help there Ni become stronger too!
Any relationship with an INFJ can work as long as you share one of your functions together, that way you can help each other grow!
I’m so sorry for the very late reply, I’ve been busy with the holidays! Another anon asked me this question, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that it’s the same one!
I’m very sorry again. But I hope this helps you! Happy Holidays! :)
In one of your answers, you talked about how some of your friends were "developed in their type" and "used all of their skills." How does an INFJ, like ourselves, develop their type and use all of their skills?
The skills I talk about are our four functions! Introverted intuition (Ni), extroverted feeling(Fe), introverted thinking(Ti), and extroverted sensing (Se).
The best and easiest way to develop these is to spend some time around people who have Fe, Ti, and Se as there primary functions! Primary functions are the skill that a person uses the most. So, we use our intuition the most, to take in information and to help us react to it!
For example, ISTP’S primary function is Ti, so watching and talking to them will help you in that aspect of our type!
ESFJ’s primary function is Fe, and ESFP’s primary function is Se. Those two types can help you with those functions as well!
I’m sorry for the long wait! I hope this helps you! :)
(P.S. There is another way to do this, but it’s a long explanation and a bit hard to do. If you want to know that way, message me again and I’ll tell you that way! :) )
Hi! I did the test, and I came up as an INFJ, and I match the description of it almost perfectly! However, whenever I do the test again now, I come up as an INFP. I definitely have elements of an INFP personality but I fit the INFJ so much better? I dont really understand! haha :) I don't know if this is really a question or not, but I feel a bit like I'm an INF and both a J and a P! When I read the traits linked to J and P types, I have elements of both! I guess I just want to know what I am!
If you feel you fit into an INFJ better, than your an INFJ!
INFJ’s tend to ghost other types, and you just happen to be ghosting INFP! This happenes because of our need to be accepted by the people around us, so we hide certain parts of our type, and bring out other parts!
any clues to look for if an INFJ is has feelings for you? since they are probably not going to be the one to make the first move.
INFJ’s deal with crushes very differently from each other. It honestly depends on the mood their in that day!
Sometimes we’ll avoid eye contact to avoid blushing or reading into the situation too much. Sometimes we’ll talk to you and try to be friends, or we might even be mean to you! But most of all we’ll try to hide the fact that we like you, because we think it’ll scare you off! And we defiantly do not want that!
One thing to remember about INFJ’s are that many of us dont not like simple flings. of you want to date an INFJ, be sure you’re ready to be in it for a long time!
I’m sorry for the late reply! I hope this helps!
(Also, feel free to ask me questions about breaking up with an INFJ, if you dont do it properly, you might send them into a deep depression!)
EDIT- I feel I should also mention not to come on strong, that might intimidate us too! just be cool and informal about it!
I just took the Myers-Briggs Test and I am also an INFJ. I am a college freshman and I've been having lots of thoughts lately about who I am and the people around me. My dorm hall is filled with a bunch of extroverted cliquey, & many drinking, smoking, drug taking people weird in my eyes! It's so hard and it makes things awkward sometimes. The library and the commuter lounge with other introverts I've recently bonded with have been my escape. How can I live in peace here and not lose my mind?
I think you have the perfect combination of people to live a happy collage life!
I would get closer to the introvert people in the library, and find a few extroverted people who don’t drink or party and become close with them too. One of my closest friends is an extrovert and I can’t imagine life without her!
If you play your cards right, then you’ll have the time of your life in collage!
I hope this helps!
Edit: It seems like the answer to this ask was eaten by Tumblr! I’m sorry for any inconvenience that this has caused. Sorry!
I'm an INFJ and I've got a friend who's an INTJ. Well, really, they're my only friend. I really really love them (platonically), but I feel like I can trace my depression back to the time I met them. I really don't want to hurt them, because I'm pretty sure I'm the only close friend they've had, but I also feel like being around them saps my energy and hurts me. Any suggestions?
I think you should talk it out with them! INTJs can be understanding at times, and if they dont understand, then they have underlaying problems that they’re just not telling you about!
My only other advice is to tr to make some more friends, I’d really hate for you to hurt yourself because your depression has gotten bad!
Do you ever have trouble hanging around T's? All of my friends are T's, and they kinda make fun of the F, calling me stuff like a "weak little feeler". I like these people a lot, but it can get really tedious having to ignore all of the jibes at being weak and emotional. Especially with my best friend, an INTJ.
The T’s I hang around with are well devolped in their type, meaning they use the other functions they have, and not just the first one (which is the most easy to use).
But I would make sure they know that this either bothers you, or you won’t take their comments and can pull your own with the ‘big mighty T’s’
(I think T’s are just insecure about themselves and how hard it is for most of them to adapt to new people and situations, wheres as F’s don’t have that problem. We have a hard time concealing our emotions and we care too much about other people!)