It seems like you might need to get some professional help for you’re depression! I’m sure the right therapist will help you feel better in no time! And it’s honestly the best thing you can do!
And don’t kill yourself, there are many people out there in the world that love you and would hate to see you go! There is also much out there in the world that’s left to do, so don’t give up yet!
I hope this helps, and I hope you feel better soon!